What does asexual mean?

What is asexual?

Well, the simple asexual meaning is where someone has a low or absent sexual attraction towards anyone of any gender. That’s not to say an asexual person can’t choose to engage in sexual activity, however they wouldn’t feel any sexual attraction whilst doing so¹. In the 2021 UK census 28,000 people identified as asexual², or sometimes referred to as ‘ace’. 

Sometimes asexual will be used alongside another sexuality such as; bisexual, pansexual or lesbian. For example, you could be a lesbian asexual which would mean you are attracted to women only but not sexually attracted. Sexuality is not black and white and it can mean different things to many people – a concept which is important to understand when talking about sexual identities. 

Greysexual vs asexual

The difference between greysexual, or grey asexual, and asexual is all down to attraction. Greysexuality implies you feel at least a little bit of attraction towards someone, compared to asexual where you have a complete lack of attraction³. It’s a fine line between greysexual and asexual, but remember that sexuality is a spectrum and so understanding it is a bit like trying to understand rocket science!

What is the difference between asexual and aromantic?

Aromantic – which you may hear referred to as ‘aro’ – refers to people who do experience sexual attraction towards someone, however they feel little to no romantic attraction. If you identified as an aromantic asexual, then you would experience little to no sexual OR romantic attraction towards someone. 

Getting to know whether you’re aromantic may be difficult, but generally if you feel a sexual attraction to someone but you don’t necessarily want to be in a relationship with them then you might consider the label aro. 

What is the asexual flag?

The asexual flag consists of four horizontal stripes. From top to bottom; black, grey, white and purple.

Each stripe in a pride flag represents something. For the asexual flag, the black stripe represents asexuality⁴. The grey stripe represents the “grey-area” between sexual and asexual. The white stripe represents sexuality and the purple stripe represents the community. The black, to grey, to white is a symbol that asexuality – like all sexualities – is a spectrum.

Am I asexual?

We’ve all seen that iconic Nick Nelson scene from Heartstopper where he questions his sexuality by taking an ‘Am I gay’ quiz.

But if you are struggling to identify your sexuality and are looking for something to label yourself with, then taking a sexuality quiz might be really helpful. We’re not suggesting that taking a Buzzfeed sexuality quiz is going to speak gospel, but it might prompt you to think about different scenarios and how you feel in them.  

Am I asexual if I masturbate?

Absolutely! Think of it like this… A heterosexual man can masturbate but that doesn’t make him gay. You can still have a high libido and identify as asexual. If you want to masturbate then that’s completely your choice. Some asexuals may actually find they have a low libido, which is also completely normal. 

Am I asexual or afraid of intimacy

Being afraid of intimacy is okay, no matter who you identify as. Don’t force yourself to do anything you’re not comfortable with. You can speak to our resident Sex & Intimacy coach if you want some support and advice.

Asexual celebrities

More people than you may think are asexual, but what about asexual celebrities? Remember that sexuality is a spectrum and no two people on this list will experience asexuality in the same way.

Some known asexual celebrities include⁵:

1. Arguably the most famous on our list is Alice Oseman (they/them), who wrote the Heartstopper comics – which have now become a worldwide Netflix series. They have described being asexual as “a really difficult thing to deal with, and to overcome mentally, to accept that your path in life is going to be different and the way you experience life will be too.” If you want to read about asexuality from a fictional point of view, Alice has written an incredible book called ‘Loveless’. 
2. Potentially Marylin Monroe? There are various reports from her autobiography that point towards her identifying as asexual.
3. Spongebob. Yup, you read that right! Stephen Hillenburg, the creator of Spongebob, said in an interview that he’s always thought of Spongebob “as being somewhat asexual”

Whilst this list seems small, it may be important to remember that no one owes anyone an explanation about their sexuality – even celebrities. 

You don’t have to figure everything out right away. Take your time in figuring out things for yourself and have fun with it! The nice thing about sexuality is that it’s fluid, so if you want to change your label then… you can!

If the stories and information about asexuality you’ve read online sound familiar to you, then read more about it. This will help you get to know yourself better and develop in a way that feels right to both you and your body.